humourous

things have been a bit hectic over the past few weeks and i havent had the time or the inclination to blog. However, i could not let the opportunity to post this joke/story sent to me today (thank you Sue) go by. I laughed but i guess i have this kind of sense of humour.

The Meaty Bites Diet

I've got 2 dogs. I bought a large bag of Meaty Bites at Big W and was standing in line at the check-out.

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Meaty Bites Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 25 kgs before I woke in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Meaty Bites and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned by the food. I told her no, it was because I'd been sitting in the middle of the road licking my d… and a car hit me.

I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.

Stupid bitch...why else would I buy dog food??

melbourne - great place to visit

i quite like melbourne as a city to visit. it is people friendly (as a tourist). the food is cheap, the public transport is good (at least when we travelled on it) and the choices of settings (mountains/snow, beaches/surf, cafes, restaurants and great food which is cheap by comparison to perth) are all available in easy reach of the city (3-4 hours drive).

the weather is sometimes a bit iffy (4 seasons in 1 day) and in comparison to Perth the locals are less concerned about their environment (there is way too much rubbish and crap graffiti. My only other gripe is smoking - the sooner they stop it at restaurants and cafes the better (my view) as it detracts from what would otherwise be fantastic street eating.

overall we had a great time in Melbourne due largely to family and friends but it is a city well worth visiting for the sport, arts, scenery and food/wine. I'd go back.

some photos (not all from the same trip to prove my point):

tourists for a day

Sue and I played tourist today. Dale and Tony and the girls left for Noosa around 9.00 and we had breakfast in Williamstown then we got in the car and drove down towards Geelong. when we got there we drove straight through town and went to the beaches. We visited Lorne and Appollo Bay and we drove along the Great Ocean Road - .

we stopped at Bells Beach and watched some surfers play around in the waves.



I took this photo from about 1/2km away with a canon photoshop sx 100 camera (great little camera)



we spent quite a few hours in the car (travelling about 400km) but it was fantastic to play tourist for a day.

I cant believe how big, uninhabited and how varied this great country is. we went from city to world class surf to forests and then farmland all in half a day and we only went 400km in a circle

life's a beach (again) but someone's got to do it

been out to brunch with friends (laura, bob, chris and phil). very nice. now we are sitting watching the beach (i love Australian beaches)



its tough - weather is a perfect 29 and there is little or no breeze.

having drinks at 6 with Adelle, but other than that not much is happening.

adelaide - friends

the last few days in Adelaide have been fun. lots of food, some wine, a little chocolate and a bit of sleep. tomorrow will be no different then we will be off to melbourne for more of the same.

sometimes i wonder what the poor people are doing (then i realise it is us it just might take a little time to catch up with us)

hope you have all had a happy easter

j

happy easter

well folks its nearly that time of year and we will be heading off tomorrow on what has over the last couple of years been an easter pilgramage to the east. we are visiting Adelaide and Melbourne over the next 10 days to see friends and family and to say goodbye (for the next couple of years) because we probably wont see them again until after our UK trip (unless they come visit us).

I hope everyone of you has a great and safe easter and that you get all the chocolate you deserve.

love and best wishes

new languages

came across this the other day. No offense meant. Sorry made me laugh

Learn Chinese in 5 Minutes

(Must Read Out Loud)
1) That’s not right................................................Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harbouring a fugitive......................... Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP.................................................. Kum Hia
4) Stupid Man.................................................. ....Dum Fuk
5) Small Horse................................................ .....Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did you go to the beach................................ .....Wai Yu So Tan
7) I bumped the coffee table...............................Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
8) I think you need a face lift................................ Chin Tu Fat
9) It’s Very dark in here...................................... ...Wai So Dim
10) I Thought you were on a diet........................... Wai Yu Mun Ching
11) This is a tow away zone................................... No Pah King
12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week.......... Wai Yu Kum Nao
13) Staying out of sight......................................... Lei Ying Lo
14) He’s cleaning his automobile ......................... Wa Shing Ka
15) Your body odor is offensive............................ Yu Stin Ki Pu
16) Great..........................................................Fa Kin Su Pah

state of the ART - women and men

**Hell Explained by Chemistry Student **

The following is an actual question given on a University of
Washington chemistry mid term.

The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared
it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now
have the pleasure of enjoying it as well:

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic
(absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law
(gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some
variant.
_________________________________________________________________
One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we
need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate
at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once
a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different
religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their
religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these
religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we
can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as
they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase
exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in
Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and
pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand
proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase
until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in
Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes
over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman
year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and
take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then
number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic
and has already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it
follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore,
extinct..., leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a
divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh
my God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.
>

gosh idiot

I just love internet media - i get a laugh everyday.

this guy clearly has too much time on his hands.